We are the Exhausted Moms of Summer

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A few years ago, my friend had a good laugh when I told her my kids and I had just gotten back from the beach and that I was exhausted.

She was at work all day, so a day at the beach sounded glorious and stress-free to her. It was difficult to get her to understand that no, it wasn’t all (or even a little bit) fun and games.

A day at the beach is a lot of work.

As many moms can empathize, not only was I watching my kids every minute because of the water, I worried about sunburn and that they stayed hydrated.

I schlepped towels, a blanket, sunscreen, hats, a change of clothes, beach toys, drinks, and the many snacks that I ran out the night before to get.

So no, it wasn’t that relaxing for me. Nor did I expect to be, given my kids were still so young. But yes, I would loved to have been on Facebook or reading a book.

Now that my kids are older, I’m exhausted in a different way.

Exhausted moms of summer

There is this pressure to fill their summer breaks with meaningful lessons and enriching and exciting experiences combined with requisite downtime.

How will we find a good balance this summer?

Exhausted moms of summer (Photo credit: Amanda Downing)

Kids’ summer breaks

So many moms experience pressure and anxiety over their kids’ summer breaks.

These are usually moms who love having their kids at home and not in school.

They are thrilled it’s summer and are looking forward to making lots of fun memories with their kids.

Many families make summer bucket lists to be sure they remember to do the fun things they’ve been wanting to do all year.

Yet, as exciting as all of this is, we are the exhausted moms of summer.

I bet if you ask your fellow moms, they would agree.

It’s not so much that we are exhausted in a physically tired way…. it’s more that we are putting so much pressure on ourselves to do more, to teach more, and to experience more, that we are worn out and worn down.

We are super busy during a time that we should be relaxing.

Pressure and anxiety? Why? Because it’s summer!

In my house, we always start the summer strong.

We sign up for the summer reading program at the library. The kids read and log their minutes.

They play outside without prompting.

Instead of playing on the iPad, the new rule is the kids help make their own breakfasts and lunches. Hey, they have all of this extra time, they can sure help.

They willingly agree to do a page a day in their summer slide workbooks. We’ve already signed up for a few camps. They’ve seen a friend or two.

This all happens for maybe the first week, and then it stops.

They are back on electronics too much. (Keep them off electronics with these ideas.)

I’m nagging them but also really enjoying this break to get my own work done or to to just veg out online or with my Netflix shows. It’s summer after all, don’t us moms deserve some R&R too?

Moms know we need to take breaks too. Yet these summers, which should be carefree, come with lots of stress.

Back in the day — the unstructured summer

I know for sure I didn’t grow up this way.

I’m sure my mom, who was awesome, never worried about what we accomplished over the summer. Kids played in the neighborhood and rode bikes all around town.

We played with water balloons and ran through the sprinkler. Remember hopscotch? We played tag, roller skated in the driveway, and played basketball.

I remember using my dad’s old tennis racket and spending hours hitting a tennis ball against my house. My sister and I would make complex obstacle courses with jump ropes, hula hoops, and other objects in our garage. We improvised using buckets and coolers for “cones.”

We made up games and figured out how to entertain ourselves. And we had a blast.

Summers now

Summers now come with so much extra stress. We’re more anxious than ever. Many moms feel this underlying pressure that we’re not doing enough to enrich our kids.

It’s like we’ve been given this glorious gift of practically obligation-free days, and we need to make the most of them.

Are Pinterest and social media to blame?

Here’s why we are exhausted moms

Pressure to teach and for kids to learn

If I can’t get my son to practice in his cursive workbook during the school year, when we are bogged down with school days, sports, clubs, homework and more, it would make sense that we should be able to do this over the summer.

But it’s not happening. I seriously can’t make this happen 5 – 10 minutes a day, even once a week!

We “should” be reading everyday and practicing math facts, even for a few minutes. Even if I set them up online to learn. But this isn’t happening either. And they’ve only done about 8 pages each in their workbooks. Our school awards students for the most minutes spent reading and for online pursuits.

This is additional pressure; we don’t want to be the only family who doesn’t partake in these opportunities.

Then there are the summer camp catalogs to consider. Of course, most families figure this out well before summer break, lest the camps be filled. Summer camps are great and a nice break for kids to get away from siblings and to give the exhausted moms a break.

They are a lifesaver for working families. There are camps for everything… cooking, drama, sports, coding, engineering. At least eight kids from my son’s baseball team enrolled in a baseball camp. I found myself feeling badly that my son would “be behind” because I didn’t sign him up for it.

See friends while we are not bogged down with activities

This is the time to schedule playdates and parties. It’s rare during the school year when our schedule matches a friend’s schedule. Unfortunately, we don’t live in an area where there are kids in the neighborhood to play with.

So there is pressure to schedule meetups with friends.

Visit local attractions before it’s too late

Then there are all the local attractions that your kids will soon be outgrowing. Shouldn’t we be going to the zoo, miniature golfing, and to the lake?

Heck, people come HERE for vacation, and we have all of this in our backyard so to speak. Why aren’t we taking advantage of it? When my kids reach the teen years, they won’t want to go. Or they’ll be busy working, or they’ll have other plans.

And in the case of the children’s museum and similar venues, they’ll be too old! We must go now!

All of those Pinterest ideas

I have been guilty of going on Pinterest to find cool activities and holiday crafts to do with my kids over the summer and not doing any of them. Not one!

Go on a great vacation

Now is the time to go on that family trip. Did you plan anything? Can you get off of work and do you have money to go?

Vacations now are becoming the “what did you get from Santa” questions a la six months ago.

Did you take your kid on a cool enough vacation?

Even more than that, you only have so much money and time. It’s difficult to choose where to go, even if you are able. And of course, you were the one who had to plan it. You can bet you will be the one packing for it and will be the one doing upteen loads of laundry when you return.

Kids need creative playtime

Now is the time for creative play. Oh how I long for the days for my now-tweens to pull out the TinkerToys and Lincoln Logs and whatever else and just build, create, invent… play!

Why is it always me who has to bring them out?

(Have you ever brought out a long-lost toy and just set it on the floor in your living room to see what happens? I did this with all of their Hot Wheels cars and sets one summer. They walked past it and ignored it for three days, so I donated all of it. Then of course, three months later, they wanted to play Hot Wheels!)

I am forever rotating toys in their rooms and bringing out games to play.

Then there are the art projects. Oh how we used to create. My kids loved playing with pipe cleaners, Play-doh, painting, coloring, drawing.

You name it, we had it and they enjoyed it. Now? It’s a forced activity. Even worse, I just don’t have the energy to drag out all of this stuff and nag at my kids to partake in it.

Let’s learn science

I knew I reached a new level of exhaustion when I walked past a shelf of science sets on sale for 50 – 75% off and didn’t buy one of them. I looked at them as more obligation for me.

These kits would be an anchor in my mind, weighing me down with the “we should be doing a science kit instead of watching TV, etc.”

As it is, I have boxes of science and art kits in our closets. For whatever reason, I am unmotivated to pull them out this summer.

Why are we exhausted moms?

Basically, we are exhausted doing all these things yet feeling like we’re not doing enough. Believing we’re not maximizing our time.

The kids are growing up so fast. We need them to learn all of these things, play all of these games, see all these friends, schedule all of these camps, swim, and go to all of these places, because if we don’t do it now, we never will.

We have 10 weeks to do this… it’s all the time in the world and not enough time, all at the same time.

Soon, it will be time for the dreaded back-to-school shopping and getting prepared for school. And then in a flash, it will be the holidays.

In the meantime, there’s shopping, meal planning, cooking, and laundry. There’s always tons to do.

Nothing makes me happier than come Friday, I can look back on our week and feel like I balanced my kids’ energy, creativity, curiosity and our together time with their wishes as well.

We all need lazy days of summer. I just wish I could better balance this in my mind, channel my anxiety, and enjoy whatever it is we are doing.

One thing is for certain, we exhausted moms of summer will keep plugging away.

 

Cliffhanger Posts on Facebook: The Comment Generator

cliffhanger posts

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There are so many of us who live for the thrill of getting Likes on Facebook. There’s even been research about how to get more Likes and Comments on your posts.

Interestingly, there are simple things you can do to increase the number of Likes and Comments you get.

You can add a picture. Who doesn’t love a picture? You can limit the amount of words you post. Make it short and sweet and to the point. Think of the success of #hashtags. Why use 11 words when you can #hashtagit in two or three?

It’s true: We are so visual. Think about how short our attention spans have become.

How many times do you log onto Facebook, your email or anywhere online and the next thing you know you’ve looked at 20 other things except for the thing you logged on to do?

What gets your attention on Facebook?

Think of advertising and the catchy phrases and little quips.

Would you rather read a long paragraph about something or are you more drawn to a great image and small caption?

Years ago, in a communications class, I remember learning the most read things in newspapers were the captions under the pictures. People want things quick and to the point. And this was before we all had the technology we do today.

Think back to some of your own “successful” Facebook posts, even if your Likes totaled just a few dozen.

Something about that post made it more Like-worthy than your other posts. I’m not talking about Big Life Event posts, just your everyday, run-of-the-mill type posts.

cliffhanger posts
Cliffhanger posts (Photo credit: Kylie_Jaxxon)

Facebook cliffhanger posts

There was a period of time in Facebookland where people started writing cliffhanger posts. Cliffhanger posts are when one of your Facebook friends writes something like:

  • Terrible day today.
  • Why are people so mean?
  • Hoping things get better soon.
  • Please pray for me.
  • I hate life.
  • Mean people suck.
  • I can’t wait for next week!
  • Need prayers.
  • Started my new job today!
  • We’re moving!
  • Will this day ever end?

These are just examples, naturally, but we’ve all seen them. Your Facebook friend gave just a snippet of information and left you wondering exactly what is going on. It’s the Facebook post that reads like a season finale: It leaves you hanging.

Have you ever written a post like this?

I did by accident once and was SO embarrassed when I realized it. It was my moving day and at the last minute, with my moving truck outside, I snapped a picture and posted it on Facebook. I wrote something like “Goodbye Cleveland friends. We’ll miss you!”

Basically, I did it because I didn’t get a chance to personally see everyone before leaving.

I meant it as a goodbye to my neighbors and local friends who all knew I was moving. I wasn’t thinking of the rest of my Facebook friends, many of whom had no idea we were moving.

So of course, the first series of questions came in, “Where are you moving?” and I quickly edited my original post to say goodbye to my existing town and listed my new town, in a “Goodbye Cleveland, Hello Sacramento” kind of way.

I was completely mortified I’d written a cliffhanger Facebook post like this because many view these open-ended questions as an obvious cry for Comments, Likes and attention in general.

Naturally, cliffhanger posts will elicit Comments to help, praise, congratulate, and question.

What to do when you see a cliffhanger post?

When you see a Facebook post like this, you are obligated to Comment offering your support and to ask: What is going on?

Or you feel compelled to “Turn on Notifications for this Post” so that you can follow along with everyone else’s Comments, hoping the original poster answers the question before scores of people start commenting.

Naturally, people will start commenting with:

  • “What happened?”
  • “You are a GREAT person.”
  • “Who could be mean to you? You’re so nice!”
  • “You can do it!”
  • “Praying!”
  • “What’s wrong???”
  • “Congrats! Where are you _______ (working, moving, etc.)?”

People proving they are close friends

As long as you have to read on down the Comments to find out what is going on, you will be sure to notice some of the original poster’s Close Friends.

You’ve seen these people. These are the friends who are closer friends than you are to the original poster.

These people will swoop in to Comment with something that demonstrates to all the lesser friends that they know what is going on.

These friends rank higher than you do. They are there, have been, and always will be in full support or whatever. Oh how people love to be “in the know” and better than others.

<Of course, offer your full support to your friends! This is geared toward those who purposely need to set themselves above others.>

So while you are still trying to figure out what went on in the Original Poster’s life, you can be amused at the best friends who are clamoring to Comment quickly, offering their support, writing something that tells everyone else that they already know the news.

They don’t need to learn about it on Facebook like the rest of the commoners.

These people who want to prove they are closer to the Original Poster than you are will post something like:

  • “How did it go today?”
  • “I’ve been ________ you (praying for, thinking about, etc.).”
  • “I knew you could do it!”
  • “Let’s talk again soon.”

An end to cliffhanger posts – thank goodness

Thankfully, soon after all of these kinds of cliffhangers were put out in Facebookland, many articles began to circulate about “What not to do on Facebook.” One of the cardinal sins was one of these types of cliffhanger posts.

Alleluia!

You will still see them occasionally, but they aren’t as common as they used to be.

Sure, we all post stuff like this occasionally, probably not meaning to. But now, it seems people are being more aware of this when posting.

Your Facebook friends will post whatever it is going on, not purposefully looking for dozens of Comments asking what is happening. We no longer have to suffer through dozens of Comments just to find out what the big story is.

Again, Alleluia!

What are some of the best cliffhanger posts have you seen? Do you post them yourself?

 

Things to Do Before Going Online: for Adults!

things to do before going online

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You will see them in April or May. Well-intentioned moms begin sharing articles on Facebook about ways for kids to minimize electronics’ use in the summer.

It’s a real issue: Our kids’ long days of summer often include many hours online. We need a plan to keep them occupied in other, meaningful ways.

It’s a lot harder to get up and to actually do something, like getting a pencil and paper and clearing a space and sitting down to draw or write.

It’s much easier to zone out on the iPad.

These are informative and interesting articles, usually checklists. You’re sure to get a few ideas of out them.

The goal is to have your kids do a checklist of activities before they turn on their devices. So you give your kids a list. You call these the New House Rules. And you see how it goes, hoping they:

  • Will be so engrossed in playing/reading/creating/running around they will forget about electronics
  • Will run out of time to play electronics

In most households, these New Rules last a day or two because really, we’re still nagging and also because WE get our stuff done while our kids are on electronics.

Helps eliminate nagging

The idea though is you don’t want to be the nag.

The nag who always nags, morning, noon and night.

We are tired of nagging about all the time our kids are spending on the iPad, xBox, Playstation, Wii U, their phones, and everything else.

The idea here is to not have the kids lapse into the easy thing… the electronics.

If you can get them engaged in something more proactive, you can expect they will propel themselves into other activities as well.

But isn’t that true of adults too?

Adults love being online too

When our kids are happily occupied — online or otherwise — we can get our own stuff done.

Oftentimes, that includes going online ourselves.

While we most likely aren’t playing video games or watching mind-numbing videos made by 20-somethings making a killing on Youtube, we catch up on emails, Facebook, and other online pursuits.

Have you ever finished a task and then rewarded yourself with a trip to Facebookland?

Oh, the siren song of Facebook…. It’s normal: Finish this assignment or email or whatever, and then just pop on.

You’ll only be there for a minute, right? This is an easy escape for exhausted moms who just want some time to themselves.

Social media is an easy go-to even when there are tangible tasks in front of us. Why put away the laundry or start dinner when it’s so easy to peruse Facebook for an easy escape?

Maybe us adults need a list too.

It’s easy to get in the habit of Facebook, Pinterest, and other internet sites. But what about taking a break from Facebook and other sites?

The adults’ guide of things to do before going online

How often do we procrastinate projects or housework or bills or anything and everything because our “quick five minutes on Facebook” turns into 10 or 20 or more minutes?

Even at just five minutes a day — NOTHING! — that amounts to 30.4 hours in a year.

What could you do with an extra 30 hours? Of course, it’s well-worth 30 hours a year keeping up with friends and family via Facebook. It’s great! Not only is it a lifeline to your past, it’s a great way to keep up with what’s all around you.

It’s understandable that we’re not motivated by the ongoing, thankless tasks in front of us — cooking, cleaning, laundry, planning meals, paying bills.

So instead, even a few times a month, let’s spend the amount of time we spend on social media and electronics on some more exciting goals instead.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to feel good about something we accomplished?

things to do before going online
things to do before going online (Photo credit: Hernan Pinera)

The reason we as adults go onto Facebook is because we don’t feel like doing anything.

That’s the point!

But kids are spry! They have energy so they should use it on something productive or creative or active.

Us adults?

We probably already have been productive and creative and active. Facebook is our break.

Our R&R. But still….

Sometimes, and we all are guilty of it, Facebook and other internet sites becomes more than that. We spend hours on them. Sometimes we need ways to break the Facebook habit. Or the Pinterest habit. Or the Twitter habit. We know… it’s hard!

Things to do before going online

There are lots of ways to help adults find other things to do instead of default to electronics. Here’s a list to help get you started.

Remember, the idea is to keep the focus on you, not on the kids, not on the chores, and definitely not on the to-do list.

We zone out on social media on other sites to get away from all of that.

  • Doodle, draw, paint, do a dot-to-dot… even if you think you have zero talent. (It’s not about talent.)
  • Start a garden
  • Lift some weights. Don’t have any? Raise and lower some food cans for 30 repetitions.
  • Sit on the couch for 10 minutes and do absolutely nothing! It’s difficult, but you CAN do it.
  • Do you have a hobby? Take steps to get back into it.
  • Journal — with an actual pen and paper. What do you want your life to look like in a year?
  • Take a walk
  • Read that book
  • Write that book
  • Start a blog

These are all things that are for you, just in the same way that social media and perusing online is for you.

Try focusing on something positive… something that propels you and your life forward. You can be happier and more fulfilled instead of being brought down from something you see on Facebook or other social media sites.

Sure, we all love Facebook, but sometimes it better to do other things.

Our lives before electronics

If you are old enough, do you remember what your day-to-day life was like before electronics?

It’s difficult to remember. Did we accomplish more?

How did we spend our few minutes of leisure time each day? Instead of checking back on Facebook to follow up on a cliffhanger post, we actually accomplished things.

Electronics have their time and place

Of course it’s worthwhile to veg out online sometimes.

Maybe you need to check in for personal reasons or to RSVP for a party, or to wish someone a Happy Facebook Birthday.

But other times, it’s better for our psyche to be proactive in other pursuits. It helps to have a schedule or a plan (What will I do when I have some extra time?) to avoid what otherwise would be hours and hours online.

Kids love being online. Adults do too. By creating new habits, we are setting ourselves for more productivity… a body in motion and all of that….

It’s also a great way to role model what you want your kids to do.

So while your kids are doing their summer slide workbooks and walking the dog for 20 minutes, you can get started on some larger goals other than resorting to electronics.

You’re sure to find them almost as enticing as zoning out online… {almost}!

What is your go-to escape when you have a few minutes? Is it an Internet site or is it something else?

See also: Giving up Facebook for Lent and other times

Happy Birthday, Facebook Friend! Let’s Celebrate Facebook Birthdays.

Facebook birthdays

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Bring on the emojis, one of your Facebook friends is having a birthday!

Facebook birthdays

You would think that if you have at least 365 friends, you should have a Facebook birthday Notification every single day.*

Of course, it never works out that way unless you have over 2,200 friends. There are more stats involved involved than assuming you have a one in 365 chance of having a birthday on any particular day.

You also have to calculate each person’s chance on having a birthday on a day that no one else does. So it’s rather complex, and I had to look it up.

My original guess was much lower; I was thinking you would need around 800 Facebook friends to have a birthday Notification everyday.

The studies range from 2,200 – 2,400 depending on the mathematician. My eyes were glazing over so I’m sticking to 2,287 because I saw it twice. And how wonderful I could look this up so quickly! And that people have written about this is also fantastic. #lovetheinternet

Facebook birthdays
Celebrating Facebook birthdays (Photo credit: Wiebke)

Facebook birthday notifications

Who doesn’t love a Facebook Happy Birthday each year from scores of friends?

Prior to Facebook, we went through our adult lives celebrating privately, going about our day thinking but never really being able to say:

Hey! It’s my birthday here. I want some attention!

Facebook’s low-key birthday Notifications are fantastic.

I barely write down people’s birthday’s anymore. I’ve freed up mental space not holding onto them.

Sure, lifelong friends’ birthdays will be forever embedded in my brain but I never have to worry about the day slipping past me and missing the chance to text, call, or post to their Wall.

Each day, Facebook tells us if anyone in our Facebook friend circle has a birthday (if they included it in their profile). It has been an incredible feature. There’s even a helpful Facebook feature that enables you to see friends’ upcoming birthdays and which birthdays you missed.

They’ve made it so easy for us to find friends birthdays!

And when it’s your own birthday, it’s wonderful to get Facebook recognition and well-wishes.

Without Facebook, if we are well-connected, we might have 3 – 15 friends and family reaching out via cards, texts, emails and phone calls.

Now, due to Facebook, we have dozens, and it’s awesome.

Facebook makes birthdays great

As we get older, Facebook Happy Birthdays are sometimes one of the only good things.

Think about it…. We go to work; we have a zillion responsibilities at home. Heck, we probably even bought our own birthday present.

Now with Facebook, we can spend moments in our special day checking our Wall to see all the greetings. It’s much more fun than work, responsibilities and going about our day with zero attention.

Also, it’s a fantastic chance for people to take the time to actively reach out to you, not in the casual way we do whenever we scroll past people’s Posts, casually pressing Like or making a Comment.

On a regular day, I wouldn’t take the time to reach out to a former boss or co-worker with whom I’ve lost contact.

Being given permission to make a well-wishing Happy Birthday Post to someone without it seeming weird is great. It also gives us a chance to reflect on them and our friendship. That all takes maybe 20 seconds to Post and think nice thoughts.

It took practically zero effort, and we can get on with our day.

Birthdays in common

It’s also been fun to see others I didn’t know I share a birthday with.

Did you ever notice a day where there are more than two or three Facebook friends’ birthdays the same day? For me, that day is March 5th. I have five Facebook friends who share that birthday, plus I know two other people not on Facebook with that day.

I like to think of people who share birthdays to decide if they have any of the same traits in common. This is especially amusing because they are usually different ages and from my different worlds.

Birthdays on Facebook

You decide if you want your birthday on Facebook. They make it very easy. You can change birthday on Facebook at any time.

You can even choose to hide your birthday on Facebook too. Or maybe you want to leave the month and date and omit the year. This way, you still get the positive attention but avoid all of your Facebook friends knowing your exact age.

Online celebrations

Facebook birthdays are just another reason it’s hard to break the Facebook habit and why we are so easily drawn to Facebook. Facebook offers a simple way to remember and reach out to our friends and family so easily.

Isn’t it fun to have a Facebook birthday? Celebrating birthdays on Facebook is yet another reason to love Facebook.

What do you love about celebrating your Facebook birthday? Do you have a day when you have so many more Facebook friends with birthdays than any other days? Please leave your thoughts in the Comments.

*Leaving out February 29th for simplicity.

 

 

Withholding Likes on Facebook: Why Some Moms Won’t Press Like

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Oh my goodness; it happened again. I made a Facebook post about something great that happened to me career-wise,* and I found out again who my true (Facebook) friends are.

There were a surprising number of people who did not acknowledge my post.

Of course, we can’t and don’t all go around Liking every post we see; however, there are those certain people who just can’t give someone extra attention.

You know who they are.

They are the Facebook friends you have who, when something really good happens, are nowhere to be found on your post. They are purposely withholding Likes on Facebook.

At any given time, I have 3 – 5 Facebook friends like this. It’s almost become a little game. I post and watch to see if they will come around and acknowledge my success, but they mostly never do.

These Facebook friends will make some comments here and there on some of my neutral, generic posts. Sure, they might take the time to wish me a Happy Facebook Birthday, but that’s about it.

If a post has anything to do with anyone in my family having any sort of success or happiness, they are glaringly absent.

Withholding Likes on Facebook
Social snubbing: withholding likes on Facebook

The Art of Withholding Likes on Facebook

Has it ever happened to you? You post something awesome, and you expect your Facebook friends to rally behind you with their support.

This support is in the social media form of Likes, nice Comments and other fan support. Many of them congratulate you and Like or Love your post.

But then there are some very obvious friends missing.

These are Facebook friends who you know are online all the time.

Of course they saw your post.

Why aren’t they giving you a Like? Are they competitive or jealous?

Women are competitive with each other

It’s sad but true: Women are competitive. While we are usually quite happy for our friends, there is sometimes a tiny part of us that can’t help compare ourselves to other women.

We are wired that way and advertising, etc. isn’t helping matters. It happens even more once our kids start school. It happens a lot more when we feel down on ourselves or about something in our lives.

It’s subtle. It’s even subconscious most of the time.

Many times you might feel like you are the only one doing this.

But it’s rampant. Even in women who appear to have it all together.

Those with killer careers and perfect families are guilty of it. It’s true even with the older moms and the brilliant and creative women you know.

Even exhausted moms who are so busy you wouldn’t think would have time to care. But we/they, at some point, all feel a little bit jealous or competitive. It’s difficult sometimes to not compare our careers, kids, families, vacations, looks.

Sometimes it’s obvious and overt.

Other times, you might feel like it’s you who has lost your mind rehashing a comment or a snub… a Facebook snub or a real-life snub. But you probably feel that way for a reason. Mommies play mind games.

Not giving the satisfaction of a Like

Everyone compares themselves with someone. And while we may not overtly wish someone ill-will, there are some people who don’t want to elevate another person’s status.

They don’t want to help boost them up the virtual social ladder.

Withholding Likes on Facebook is a way to appear disinterested. It’s a way to intentionally withhold affirmation and affection. To not give something your notice, or to be dismissive. To give someone the silent treatment.

The Original Poster is led to believe that the friend who didn’t Comment must not have seen the post. Or she was busy. Or maybe she’s mad at you or didn’t want to be bothered.

Perhaps, she wants you to think your post just Isn’t Good Enough.

According to Psychology Today, it’s all about the mind games. She didn’t want to give you credit for your accomplishment.

She saw your post but didn’t want to give you the satisfaction of a Like.

Social snubbing is real. There are those people who purposely don’t invite you to something and those who purposely withhold their public social praise to not elevate you higher than you already are.

Then there are others who do it for other reasons; perhaps to be more authentic by giving real thoughtful praise instead of a passive — I’m calling and leaving you a voicemail when I know you can’t pick up — kind of way.

But when you know the inner-workings and competitiveness of some women and moms, it’s easy to tell what their motivation is.

Are you withholding Likes on Facebook?

Sometimes people really do miss out on their Facebook friends’ big events because they are taking a break from Facebook, or they don’t log on everyday.

A good friend mentions something she posted on her Wall, and you have no idea what she’s talking about. This sometimes can be the case. Your friends maybe really didn’t see your post-worthy post.

Yes, this really happens on Facebook

Withholding Likes and not giving Likes and Comments is a real thing.

Sometimes people purposefully don’t RSVP to parties too, as sort of a mind game.

It’s sad, and it’s true.

Sometimes, it makes us sick. Other times, it makes us think, “I must be doing something right.”

But in the meantime, all you can do is to go on being the best you can be.

Temper the bragging, be happy for others, and keep on improving. And click Like on some of your Facebook friends’ posts please, especially when you see something really good happened.

* Not only did certain people withhold Likes to my post, one even Unfriended me!

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