Your Kid’s love life – I’ve been out with mom friends when the topic turned to which kids were crushing on each other. They discussed who was “going out” and who liked whom. This started when the kids were in kindergarten and first grade.
Why are moms talking about this?
Bragging about kid’s crushes
Some of these moms were clamoring to boast about their kids’ crushes.
Many humble bragged about how certain kids “like liked” their kids.
Just the other day, a mom was eager to tell me how a girl was “following around” her fourth grade son at recess. She cited examples as she talked about this for about five minutes.
All the while I was thing, “That’s nice but really, who cares?”
Of course, we all want our kids to have social success and to be desirable as friends.
We want our kids to be likable, all-around kind, good people.
But some of these moms were thinking their kids were somehow better and more evolved than their peers. Fourth grade “Pete” is more successful or popular or something (???) because he and “Darla” have a thing going.
Each time this happens, I remain silent, astonished.
This is a good thing?
This is a brag-worthy thing?
Here I’m taking my kids to Target to buy toys — PLEASE PLAY WITH TOYS AND ENJOY YOUR YOUTH — and these parents are gushing about their kids’ liking each other and being in these starter relationships?
Moms making private moments public on Facebook
I know a mom who often posts about her elementary-school-aged daughter on Facebook.
She overtly brags about boys giving her daughter gifts and flowers. I can remember her posting like this four different times.
We no longer live in the same area as this family; however, every time I see the mom’s posts, I think if we did live nearby, I would do everything in my power to dissuade my son from EVER pursuing this girl.
How embarrassing for her suitors.
As if it doesn’t take enough guts for boys to make a move, and here this mom blasts it on Facebook?!
In each post, this mom posts a picture of her daughter holding whatever it is the boy gave her. (Is it the same kid or different boy each time? Casual Facebook friends do not know. And actually, us mere acquaintances are so embarrassed for him/them, we don’t want to know.)
I’ve always felt so badly for whoever this little boy is.
Here he’s making a brave step to win this little girl over.
Unfortunately, the tiger moms have to pounce and claw and intervene and make it public on social media, and now it’s out there for everyone to see.
To her credit, in all the times this woman posted about (all of these) boys vying for her daughter’s attention — she never posts the boys’ names.
However, the subject sure stirs up a lot of comments, and who know what is happening off-line. I’m sure she’s gossiping about it with her inner circle.
Of course, many people in the Facebook Comments, probably local friends, want to know who the boy is. Some moms — clearly in the know — surely had to make known they knew who it was.
Please, where is the sweet innocence of this?
Broadcasting your kid’s love life on Facebook
Why are parents using social media to advertise who likes their child?
It seems inappropriate and just forced. Also, it’s way too personal.
You may have the right to post about your own child, but not someone else’s.
Make a Facebook post about the flowers you or your husband gave your daughter. Don’t blast out about some little boy who tried to do something nice for your daughter. He didn’t want to be made into a spectacle.
He certainly doesn’t need all the mommies gossiping about it.
Trust me, his mother doesn’t want her family to be in the social media limelight either.
Posting about kid’s love life
There’s also another side to this post.
Why did the girl’s mom post this on Facebook?
To many, it would seem she was trying to elevate her daughter from other girls in the grade.
She was trying to continue to build on the Facebook image she’s already been creating for her daughter through the years.
She wants you to know: My girl is beautiful and smart and athletic and popular and desired.
She’s the center of attention at school, and I’m going to inform you of that fact when you log into Facebook, wherever you may be.
(Pay attention, and you may see some parents curating a certain image they want you to have of their child.)
Allow kids to be kids
It’s incredible how proud some moms are that their son or daughter is interested in someone.
How they encourage it and think it’s cute and something to brag about.
Don’t we want our kids to stay as young and innocent as possible for as long as possible?
Do parents understand their children will have time for possibly decades of relationship drama?
These kids should be running around, making up games, and playing tag and kickball with each other — girls and boys — at recess.
They should sit with the opposite gender at lunch, without questions and comments and Facebook posts about it. Why encourage them to start liking each other?
Really, this will all happen soon enough, without any encouragement or posts on social media.
At home, encourage their interests and hobbies.
Make them play outside, play games, do crafts, play Lego or anything.
They don’t need Facebook accounts and smartphones and to be texting their crush. Ten and eleven-year-olds don’t need to be Snapchatting their friends. They don’t need to be posting on Instagram — even if it seems like EVERYONE IS LETTING THEIR KIDS DO IT SO IT MUST BE OKAY.
Isn’t it enough with all the Youtube videos they are watching?!
Sure, maybe some of these kids are starting to like each other.
Let it be.
Let them make and have their own memories.
We don’t have to gossip about it with our friends trying to subtly one up each other.
And please, can we stop posting about it on Facebook? Can’t these kids just stay out of the social media spotlight for awhile longer?
Soon enough, we’ll all be posting their prom pictures.
Update: The Valentine’s Day posts
Posting about your child’s Valentines
If you don’t see these types of posts in your Facebook news feed, (rejoice!) you will be likely to see them around Valentine’s Day. Some moms will post (read: overshare) about something their son or daughter is giving to a crush.
I just saw this with a really lovely sixth grade boy. The mom was showing the world (well, her world) his news. Why? How does this help her son in any way, shape or form? It only serves to make his private life public. Why does it have to be the subject of discussion?
You will also see the moms posting about what their daughters (and sometimes their sons) received for Valentine’s Day. Again, the question is WHY?