Think about someone unfriending you on Facebook. Do you flinch just thinking about this? It’s a digital slap in the face. Here’s how to know if someone unfriended you on Facebook and what to do about it.
Even though it’s common, being unfriended on Facebook hurts. It’s normal to feel upset, obsess, and be mad. It also leads to many questions. It’s natural to wonder why.
On social media there’s always something to make you happy or make you obsess. It affects our mood in many ways, sometimes good and sometimes bad. When someone unfriends you on Facebook for no reason, it’s upsetting.
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How to know if someone unfriended you on Facebook
Facebook does not tell you if someone unfriends you. You have to figure it out on your own. For all Facebook does to put everything else front and center — measured by the number of Likes and Comments — it does spare us this unpleasantness.
It’s quite awesome Facebook helps us literally save face by not alerting us when someone unfriends us.
Thank you, Facebook!
Really, it’s bad enough to know we aren’t invited to things and to see everyone looking great and having fun. We don’t also need to be notified when someone unfriends us.
Even though Facebook notifies us about every move people make, it spares us the gory details when it comes to unfriending. We think this is a very good thing.
For whatever reason, you were once friends on Facebook and now you are not. Someone ended your Facebook relationship. They didn’t want to have a virtual social media connection. It’s over.
Whatever you do, don’t ask to be Facebook friends again.
Know how many Facebook friends you have
You are left on your own to figure it out that you’ve been unfriended. To help you the next time someone unfriends you — and it will happen if you have hundreds of Facebook friends — check how many Facebook friends you have.
When you notice that number drop, you will know you lost a Facebook friend. It will be up to you discover who unfriended you.
Know who your Facebook friends are
If you really want to keep track of your Facebook friends, you can copy and paste their names into a list on your computer or email it to yourself. This way, if you ever notice you have less Facebook friends, you can match the new list of friends with the original list to see who is missing.
I really don’t recommend doing this because it will make you fret and obsess over knowing exactly who unfriended you. Remember, people have their reasons — many of which have nothing to do with you!
But if you can’t resist, you can set up a Google spreadsheet or Excel spreadsheet and list your Facebook friends alphabetically. Then when your Facebook friend number goes down, copy and paste your new friend list to match against your original list.
(For as much as I have obsessed over the years about being unfriended, I have never done this because sometimes I just don’t want to know. Also, if someone deactivates their account, the number will go down. That has nothing to do with you so why waste your time?)
Being unfriended on Facebook
If you didn’t keep a list of your Facebook friends, then you can guess who unfriended you.
To find out if someone unfriended you on Facebook, you need to look at your Facebook friend list. Type in one of our Facebook friend’s names.
If you don’t see their name, you need more information before knowing if they unfriended you. There are three possibilities.
- They unfriended you.
- They unfriended you and blocked you.
- Or they are taking a break from Facebook and either:
- Temporarily deactivated their account
- Permanently deleted their account
How to know if someone unfriended you
If you see their name in the Facebook search bar
You will know if someone unfriended you because when you search for their name, you will see it, and you will see that you aren’t friends. You will have the option to “Send a Friend Request”. (DON’T!)
In addition, you will see if you still have mutual friends. You will be able to see their profile, and if they are active on Facebook.
If you see their name and this information, the person unfriended you.
If you don’t see their name in the Facebook search bar
If you enter their Facebook name and it doesn’t show up, there are various reasons.
- They either unfriended you and blocked you
- Or they deactivated their Facebook account
To find out if they deactivated their Facebook account, look at your Facebook friends list. If you see their name but it’s a shade lighter, you can click on it. It will say the person disabled their Facebook account. This means they didn’t unfriend you.
If you don’t see their name after searching in your friend list, they unfriended you.
It’s also important to remember if you were ever Facebook friends to begin with. Or perhaps, if you unfriended them. These are also reasons someone wouldn’t show up on your Facebook friend list.
Disabling their account doesn’t mean they unfriended you
If they did temporarily disable their account, they didn’t unfriend or block you. If they are taking a break, that has nothing to do with you.
They may have temporarily deactivated their account if you can still see their information.
If you don’t see their name at all, they may have deactivated their account permanently. Again, this does not mean they unfriended you. It means they aren’t on Facebook anymore.
How do you know you are unfriended?
Know how many Facebook friends you have
Most of us aren’t looking at our Facebook friends’ list all the time to know how many Facebook friends we have.
However, if you know how many Facebook friends you have, and then you see the number decrease, you know someone unfriended you.
If you really want to know if you are unfriended and who unfriended you, you can copy and paste your Friends List. When you see your number of Facebook friends decrease, you can compare lists.
If you don’t know how many Facebook friends you have
For people who aren’t paying attention to how many Facebook friends they have, how do they know someone unfriended them?
When do you figure out you are no longer Facebook friends with someone?
It usually happens when you find yourself thinking you haven’t seen any posts from someone in awhile.
So you look her up in your Facebook friend list to make sure everything is okay. Bam! You don’t see her in your list.
Your mind races. You think, “Wait, was I ever Facebook friends with her?”
Then with dread, you remember, “Yes, I’m sure I was. I even remember seeing….”
And more thoughts, like, “What happened? Is she mad at me? What did I do?”
Now your detective skills come into play…. a little cyber-sleuthing. You search for her on the top search bar. You see her name come up, so you know:
1.) She’s still on Facebook; she didn’t deactivate her account.
2.) She didn’t block you.
Unfortunately, this makes it worse. Now you realize she’s still on Facebook but has chosen to no longer be Facebook friends.
“When did she do it? Is this recent?”
You know this person has Mutual Friends with you so you click on her name. It’s easy to look at your Mutual Friends to see if any other logical person isn’t there.
Perhaps with dread you realize: Everyone is on there except for me.
Why? And now what? Do you ignore it? Do you go on as usual? What do you do next?
What to do when someone unfriends you on Facebook
Each situation is different but you want to be sure you don’t embarrass yourself. There is no sense in feeling worse than you do now.
This means you don’t send her a Friend Request and then have to deal with her not accepting it. (See below for how this will also unnerve you.) You don’t text or email her to ask her why she unfriended you. You do nothing and say nothing about it to anyone.
Yes, it’s bothersome. You still are making up excuses. Maybe her account was hacked?
The times people unfriend you are troubling because you are left to wonder why. Then you start wondering who else may have unfriended you on Facebook.
So you start thinking up other people to check and confirm you are still Facebook friends with them.
Try not to stress about this. Don’t let it make you feel bad.
Don’t even look at how many Facebook friends you have because when you notice the number goes down, you will be left to obsess and try to figure out who it was. Instead, focus on the virtual friends you do have.
Someone not showing up in a Facebook search
If the person doesn’t show up in the search bar, she either deactivated her Facebook account or blocked you. This doesn’t mean she unfriended you.
If the person deactivated her Facebook account, stop obsessing now. It’s nothing to take personally and has nothing to do with you. (It’s not as common as unfriending, but still a possibility.)
If she blocked you, that’s adding insult to injury. She unfriended you and blocked you.
Not only did she not want to be Facebook friends with you, she doesn’t want you to find her at all on Facebook. This means you won’t see her name among your once-mutual friends. You won’t see if she made any comments on people’s posts, etc.
Hopefully, you won’t have to see this person in real life. If you do, go on as usual and don’t bring up the topic of her unfriending you and blocking you on Facebook.
Reasons people unfriend on Facebook
People have their reasons for unfriending someone on Facebook, and if you don’t know the reason, it likely is her problem and not yours.
Many women may do it as a power play and because they are competing with you.
I know someone who moved away and unfriended all the friends from that city because she would never see them again. To me, that seemed illogical as that would be the reason to keep them as Facebook friends: So you could stay in touch easily.
She has different Facebook friend criteria than people who want to have a lot of friends on Facebook aka the Facebook Friends Collectors.
I have another good friend who purposely keeps her Facebook friends list very small — less than 40 people.
There’s another friend who unfriended all the local Facebook friends she had. She did it because she instead wanted to have real conversations with them because they were local. She saved her Facebook friends for friends and family who were out of town.
I know of two people who had nearly a thousand Facebook friends each. They went through their friends’ list and cut hundreds of people.
Others may unfriend you for petty reasons. I had a Facebook friend who unfriended me because I didn’t attend her party. Another former Facebook friend unfriended me because she was a busybody and inserted herself in something that had nothing to do with her.
When someone unfriends you on Facebook
There is a lot people have to deal with on Facebook. When it comes to Facebook problems, someone unfriending you can feel like one of the worst things that can happen.
For all of the greatness that Facebook brings to our lives, being virtually unfriended hurts. And the worst part about being unfriended is that most times, you will never know why.
Most emotions you feel from Facebook posts and comments are private. You can brood and sulk and obsess and wonder alone.
When it comes to someone unfriending you, this involves at least one other person. It magnifies your embarrassment. You can only hope others don’t notice it.
It helps to remember, however, is people use Facebook in many ways.
Above all, maintain your dignity. Do whatever you can to look like you don’t care. It’s a good way to save face and (at least appear) to be taking the high road.
If someone unfriends you, can you send them a friend request?
If someone unfriends you, DO NOT send them a friend request. I repeat, Under No Circumstances should you send someone a friend request if they unfriended you.
If someone unfriended you by mistake, they can send you a friend request. If they want to be your Facebook friend, they will send you a new friend request.
Remember, if you see their name when you search, and they appear to be active on Facebook, they unfriended you. Oftentimes, we don’t realize someone unfriended us until much later.
When someone unfriends you on Facebook, it’s normal to be mad or hurt. But try not to show it. In time, it won’t bother you as much. In the meantime, focus on the friends you have. Do your obsessing and rehashing about it privately. Don’t mention it to anyone else in the friendship circle. If someone knows something about it, they will find you and tell you. In the meantime, act like you don’t care!